What I have learned about being a people pleaser.

When did I become a people pleaser? Was it after the divorce when I was eight and we moved every single year? I had to make new friends over and over and over again. New schools, new places to live, never feeling settled.  Gives me chills to think about how long I have given in and did the things I didn’t want to. This includes my first marriage and a whole lot more.  I just wanted to fit in. I wanted to be loved…  Life changes you too.  You know all the years of saying yes and playing the game…You thought you were doing the right thing. The “Christian” thing.  It has taken me a long time to finally see what I have been doing and that’s super cool and all but… how do you stop?  And think about it…people/friends/family are not going to like it Amber!! You’ve played this game out of insecurity and for what!!? What will they think of you??
 This world teaches you to be a people pleaser. You have to be skinny, perky boobs, butt lift, God forbid you have wrinkles or grey hair, you have to keep it dyed or you will show your age. You have to make a certain amount of money too and heavens if you change your mind and quit your job and do something else. What will people think!!? Seriously…
 I figured out a couple years ago that being a people pleaser does not make me happy and does not serve me. In fact, it is making me crazy trying to figure out what each person wants me to do or thinks I should do. Why the F do I care??  The only one I am accountable to is God. That is, it! Not even my husband. Yes, I people please him too…  Thank God he loves me… He knows I’m finding my way. 

I’m learning how to not be worldly but to walk with the only one who really loves me unconditionally. The only one. The one who created me… I have come to the realization that when you live for someone else so you can feel ok about yourself you are placing your own happiness in someone else’s crazy.

 I struggle with being my authentic self out of fear of rejection and plain old insecurity. I have shut down and closed myself in and introverted myself to the point I struggle with being around others and letting them see the real me. Why has this happened? I don’t know and does it really matter?? The main thing here is getting out of the trap of making everyone else happy just so I can have a sense of doing the right thing and then feeling like shit.
 Saying no is ok and not doing what others think I should is also ok!! Understanding why others roll their eyes at me and shut me out is not me it is them. I don’t have to sacrifice my happiness for anyone to feel ok!
 This isn’t easy but it has gotten easier. I have now written about it and put it out there. It’s going to be ok. This is my choice and my life.
 Amb :)


Valor Essential Oil - My Battle Oil

Be still, my Soul…
 This bottle in my hands is the original Valor from 2015… Yup, I’ve held on to it and savor each little life giving drop. I won’t even put it on my skin, I only smell from the bottle.   Did you know that the body is extremely intelligent and when you use your oils topically, in your diffuser, or internally that body of yours is so dang smart it knows exactly what to do so you can just sit back and let the life of that oil do its work? Wild right!? Trust me God created these drops of miracles and I’m pretty sure he knew what he was doing…
 But why Valor?… this blend of oils was formulated to balance energies and instill courage, confidence, and self-esteem. I would have to say we might just feel challenged in these areas from time to time. And yes we still make this amazing oil...
 Also what you don’t know, I have been going through some things and still struggling with not being able to feel grounded in this lifestyle, the anniversary of my Mom’s passing in seven days, trying to balance my life in 325 square feet with a husband and two dogs.

 I’ve been deep in a Bible study about stopping the spiral of toxic thoughts and if you are a believer then you know we are in a spiritual battle. I have been knocked off course and attacked for over a week now. It’s been dark and lonely.
 Enough of that… I really want you to understand there are power in the oils, the Almighty and we/I can choose to live in the dark space or get off my ass, pray, and oil up and fight!!  Fight for what I know to be true. Why do you think our brand is called Truth in Oils??
 When I smell this beautiful blend of Spruce, Rosewood, Blue Tansy, and Frankincense there is a calming effect that I can feel from the moment I open the bottle. Valor is used to help us overcome fear and opposition so we can stand tall during adversity. (think attack of the mind here) Remember, I am in battle. For me when I use Valor, smelling it creates this sense of "I am confident in what I believe" and this brings calmness to my mind and body. Just the way the oils are intended to work… No coincidence. It’s just how it works.  Your body knows because the oils come from Mother Nature and you really don’t know exactly what the benefits might be if you never tried them.
 The battle between evil and good will not end until it does and until then I have the resources I can choose to use to help with the dark days… Pray, oil, and Faith.
 Amb :)

Letter to Mom

 I am typing this out so you can’t look at my handwriting and read between the lines…
 insight… My mom was a handwriting expert and studied handwriting for a very long time. If I ever wrote to her she would, immediately after reading it, call me and ask me “all” the questions about what she uncovered in my words through my scribbles of cursive and printing. Drove me crazy!!
 I so wish I could call you because well… it is so much easier to just have a conversation with you. But since you are no longer here I thought I would type out a letter to you and let you know what has been going on.
 Today is May 28, 2021 and it is exactly one year ago we drove into Oklahoma City to be with you Mom.

 Remember…??  You were quarantined in your room?? Remember Covid 19?  You had just had surgery in February??   insight…it was so  hard for her to answer the phone. She had been in her room all by herself almost immediately after she had just gone through a full hysterectomy in February 2020. March came in, Covid pushed its way into everyone’s lives and the elderly were told they had to stay in their rooms until further notice… She went from clarity to not knowing how to answer the phone. I would call and call praying she would somehow figure out how to answer.
 I miss you Mom!! I can’t believe you are not in that tiny room watching TV and constantly praying for everyone. I wish I could still talk to you…Do you remember we used to talk every dang day?? Every day!!?? Do you remember when I started reading you the One Year Bible? You knew so much about the Bible and you loved it when we had this time together. You knew I was getting closer to the Lord. I loved sharing what I was learning and you loved listening to me tell you. I could hear in your voice the excitement about my growth. It was really the one and only thing we had in common.
 insight…She was highly intelligent. She adopted me at two weeks and raised me by herself after she got divorced (I was 8). We rarely saw eye to eye about anything. She was way out there in her ways and thinking and at times I couldn’t stand her because we NEVER related. She always had an opinion about everything and it was rarely positive. But I still called her every day and I chose to love her. Because she was my Mom….
 Mom! I miss you and my life is so different now. Greg and I and the dogs are still in Riley the Roamer. Yeah… still!! Our house is still rented to the same people and we have not gone back to the west coast since we left in May of 2020. Oh and I thought you would want to know...Trump did not get reelected. You would be shocked with everything happening now Mom. It's nuts! We have been hovering on the east coast for a RV repair. Yes Riley is now fixed. We've also been in Florida since the beginning of this year. Five months!! I will share details later, I know you have questions...
 I just wanted to quickly catch you up to this milestone. One year ago we finally made it to you… I don’t know how I am going to walk through all the memories of this time a year ago but I thought if I could write to you that maybe where you are now you could know my thoughts and this could somehow help me figure out how to navigate this time without you….If you were still here I know for a fact you would let me tell you all the details of how I was feeling…and in your own complicated way you would comfort me and I miss that. I can hear your voice tell me “Don’t grieve for me sweet heart, this was just my earthly body and now I am home”.
 insight…she was never attached to her body. She dressed in polyester from the Goodwill and hand me downs. Things to her had no value except her books. She had hundreds and hundreds of books…

I know it is so easy for you or others to say don't grieve for me. I understand that I am sure I will say the same thing but coming up to the one year day of you leaving this planet is hard. I know you grieved the loss of your brother and sister at times and I know you know what I am feeling. I just need to talk this all out with you like you were here with me so I can walk through my own grief and loss. I am certain you would like to know what I am thinking, you always did... 
 Okay Mom, I gotta go. I love you and I will talk to you soon. I will write again...

May 28, 2021 Florida

Leaving the Keys

 I am going to try and formulate my feelings into words about how magical this time in Keys has been. Or should I say this IS or WAS our first time here…
 I never knew I was so drawn to the water until my Mom passed away and we went to the Outer Banks so I could have some quiet time on her birthday… I have never felt so grounded, calmer, more at peace, comfortable, at ease… this is a picture of the sand in the Outer Banks NC. It is so weird to me to be drawn to the water/beach because I have never thought of myself as a beach girl. I think what I find so freeing is the openness of the water and how I don't feel enclosed. I can see out and I love how that makes me feel. I can breathe....  Life has a way of showing you things and really it’s up to you to pay attention.
 Fast forward several months and hubby Greg and I found ourselves in the Keys for two weeks waiting on a RV repair slot to open up. We had no idea what we were stepping into.   Mesmerized by the water color and temperature of the air. There was that feeling again…feelings of comfort and calmness that I just don’t feel anywhere else. Is this a premonition, a whisper from the Almighty as to what is around the corner for us??? Does Greg feel this too?
 We are currently bouncing down the road on that seven-mile-long bridge, water on both sides of us, sitting in complete quiet. He looked at me and said we will come back…
 I asked several people that we met what brought them to the Keys?? Each one had a different story and each one said the same thing… I never left. Each one with their own set of different reasons for coming here but they all said the exact same thing…I just never left. I am feeling the same pull of the magic of this Caribbean vibe that plays with all your senses and hypnotizes and lures you to never leave. What is this??
 We have already talked about how could we spend several months down here and see if this is where we are supposed to be. Is this trickery of the Caribbean magic or are people really happy down here?? I am seriously very happy floating in this crystal clear water...  Life in the Keys is so laid back from what we can tell and the people we talked with said they would not live anywhere else and in fact the owner of the Crooked Rooster said she was allergic to the cold and has no intention of ever leaving…
 I think about Hemingway and how he did some of his best writing here. The energy is different. The color of the water is all colors of the shade of blue and turquoise. The Conch fritters, grouper, shrimp, and that Cuban toast and those Roosters!! Here is picture of Hemingway taken inside his house.   We kayaked with my beautiful daughter who flew in from the Seattle area and she herself was mesmerized. I’m telling you…this place will pull you in and it will be interesting to see if we can stay away….  Now I just have to figure out how to bring myself back to chaos that awaits on the other side…the mainland.

Amb :)

Can work time actually be FUN?

First thing this morning after sleeping in 'til after 9 I read a post from a friend of mine who hit a milestone with her side hustle job. The one thing that stood out to me was the fact that she mentioned the word fun... Fun is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as "Light-hearted pleasure, enjoyment, or amusement; boisterous joviality or merrymaking; entertainment". Although particularly associated with recreation and play, it may be encountered during working time. Ahhh...there it is!! Working time.
She actually wrote that she had to remind herself just how fun this business can be. She is exactly right!! I often tell hubby Greg I would constantly work because I love it so much!! I am married so not sure how he would take it if all I did was work though... so in reality I don't have to and I do enjoy spending time with my good looking husband and wiener dogs while we travel the US towing our 35 foot trailer. This is me in the Florida Keys. Yup I just woke up! :)
Part of what I do is share the business opportunity to people and I often hear them reply with this statement "I am not good at sales!" I have thought about that for a very long time. Sales... Hmmmm.....
I run an amazing group on social media sharing information about the products I use in hope to inspire others to try them and see if they get the same enjoyment or health benefits that I have received. Is that sales?? Sharing something that has changed your life for the good?? It doesn't feel that way to me but in a sense it is. I absolutely do not think you have to be "good in sales" to share what you love though...
I heard once, if you were using a product that was life changing and you never told your best friend and she found out, how do you think that would make her feel? I don't know about you, but I would be disappointed and hurt. This isn't the only reason why I do what I do...
I love helping others. I love sharing!! I love creating a post on social or writing a blog post about an experience I've had. Makes me happy. In fact, a team member is just about to hit a milestone rank this month!!  Do you think that would make me happy?? Heck yeah that does!!
We chat back in forth (when I have a cell signal) and collaborate about "all" the things!! Just so you know this is her side hustle too!! She has a full time job and really wants to share Young Living full time and you know what?? It's happening!! She is making this happen for herself.
So the reason why I am sitting behind my computer instead of sitting in the beautiful sun right now is to tell you how awesome this side gig is and to also tell you it IS fun!! I never feel like I am working ever!! I love it so much!  The people! The products/oils! The ability to have a life of freedom the way YOU want it. It may not look like my life...because freedom is different for everyone. It may be to pay off your car or get a new one. Or pay for your kid’s education. Buy that bad ass diamond ring you have had your eye on :) or...this makes me emotional... give in a very large way to someone in need with no intention of ever getting paid back. That is my goal. So I want to help you!! Whoever you are. I really want to inspire you to just share your experiences and what you love with your friends and family.  
Oh!! And have a seat at our table!!

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